Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
