she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
God, I missed his penis.
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