Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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