Betty ford says i'm here all night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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