dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
