The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize