Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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