btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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