he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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