My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
zippers are such a cool invention
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
