Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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