the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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