I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
