from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
