beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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