So drunk its hurt
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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