Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
