Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
