Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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