with your own penis?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
