So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
