Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
