I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if only i could text you this smell
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
