but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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