so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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