Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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