i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
