he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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