So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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