Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
