I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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