I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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