You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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