He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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