Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
