I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
