I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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