How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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