You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
