question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize