Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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