I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
