Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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