Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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