Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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