My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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