Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
