Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
