I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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