Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
