i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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