I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize