rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
