Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
