I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize