Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
