real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My vagina is very pro this idea
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize