toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Couch. On fire.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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