dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
