the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
