I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
