just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
