she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
