i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
sarcasm needs its own font
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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