I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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