I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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