So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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