I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
