There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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