I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
