So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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