My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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