he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize