yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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