I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
