I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
