okay pat passed out under dana's car
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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